Have you ever hit your partner? Have you ever been abusive?

It is difficult to face up to the fact that your behaviour could be abusive, but when you begin to accept what you are doing, you can then make changes that will help you be safe around your partner and your children. Abusive behaviour can include being: physical, verbal, emotional, sexual, controlling, financial.

Even if they’re not in the same room, most children will know something is happening. This can be damaging to a child and can have long-term effects. Aside from ruining your relationship, abusive behaviour puts you at risk of having children taken from you and makes it a real possibility that the police will become involved with your family

Facing up to it

Many people excuse their behaviour by minimising what they are doing: ‘it’s not that bad’, blaming their partner – ‘she wound me up’, saying it’s because of other pressures such as work or by blaming alcohol, or momentary loss of control. This can make you feel better in the short term. However, acknowledging this and taking responsibility for your behaviour is a positive step towards changing your behaviour.

What can I do about it?

Places that help:

Making Safe – 01723 365609

IDAS- 03000 110 110

Respect Help line which offer advice, information and support to help you stop being violent and abusive to your partner – 0808 802 4040

Perpetrator programmes

Many people who abuse find that a ‘Perpetrators Programme’ can help them change their behaviour. There are different ways of accessing a programme; on a voluntary basis and some are requested to attend by a court as part of a probation order.