It is really important to understand that each individual situation will be different
Coercive control is at the heart of domestic abuse. Perpetrators will usually start abusing their victim by limiting personal freedoms, monitoring every move, & stripping away control of their life; physical violence often comes later.
What types?
Destructive criticism and verbal abuse:
Shouting, mocking, accusing, name calling, verbally threatening behaviour.
Pressure tactics:
Sulking, threatening to withhold money, disconnecting the phone, taking care away, taking children away, threatening to commit suicide, reporting you to welfare agencies (social services), lying to friends and family, telling you have no choice but to stay with the perpetrator.
Breaking trust:
Lying to you, withholding information, being jealous, having other relationships, breaking promises, disclosing personal details about you to others.
Disrespect:
Putting you down in front of others, not listening or responding when you talk, interrupting your phone calls, taking your money without asking, refusing to help with childcare or house work.
Isolation:
Monitoring you, blocking phone calls, controlling where you go, preventing you from seeing friends or family, preventing you going to school or college, preventing you practising your faith.
Harassment:
Following you, checking who has phoned you, reading your text messages/ e-mails, embarrassing you in public or at your place of work, controlling where you go.
Financial abuse:
Withholding money, preventing you working, controlling finances, theft of your money, belongings etc,
Threats:
Making angry gestures, using physical size to intimidate, shouting you down, destroying your possessions, breaking things, punching walls, wielding a knife or gun, threatening to kill or harm you, your children, your family or friends, your pet.
Sexual violence:
Rape, forcing you to perform sexual acts, forcing you to have sex with other people, forcing you to have sex for money, making you watch pornography.
Physical violence:
Punching, slapping, hitting, biting, kicking, spitting, burning, stabbing, strangling, suffocating, pushing, shoving.
Denial:
Saying the abuse does not happen, saying you caused the abusive behaviour, being gentle and caring in public, crying and begging forgiveness, saying it will never happen again.
NB This list is not exclusive there are many more examples. Domestic abuse is defined by the victim. What is considered abusive by one person may not be considered abuse by another.
